Crushed It

The minute I felt the bump in the shower, I knew.

I knew with every ounce of my being. I wasn't borrowing trouble or being a worrywart.

I just knew.

Now, it gets next-level-real when the doctor actually says it to you, but I had already accepted it. Honestly, I would have been more surprised if it was not cancer.

The date was June 20th, 2022 and the results were in:

HER2 positive breast cancer. A fast-growing and very aggressive cancer that is only seen in 1 of 5 patients.

After divine intervention that kicked off my non-conventional healing journey (read Part 2 for more details on the HOW I am healing from cancer + WHY I’ve chosen this path), I didn’t waste time being a victim, asking "why me" or crying, "this isn't fair"!

I went right into “winning” mode.

So there’s this Oncotype test that predicts how likely breast cancer is to spread to somewhere else in the body (secondary breast cancer)... and you want your score to be way under 20.

😱 I got a 60. (Just call me an overachiever.)

BUT – nine weeks later, when my tumor was biopsied after surgery, my score had dropped to 40!

I didn't even know that it could drop.

That was ALL because of the drastic changes that I was making in my diet and lifestyle.

You read that right… a full third drop in my numbers in only nine weeks without medical intervention.

So, that's the good news!

The not-so-good news is during surgery they found that one of JJ’s little friends (JJ’s the name I gave my breast cancer tumor) broke through and was in one lymph node.

Not gonna lie - it was hard to hear it was in a different place. (Even though I learned from a doctor later that’s what the lymph nodes are supposed to do – it’s literally their job to capture the little suckers.)

Bottom line? That meant my cancer was officially stage 3.

Which meant this was definitely gonna be a marathon, not a sprint.

And I was all in.

The first couple times I traveled to attend my mastermind group Jayne (my best friend and Client WINjaneer) and I would get an Airbnb so that I could stick to the healing protocols and the juicing.

And I loved the Airbnb’s we stayed at - they were awesome. But I also felt isolated.

Now, over several months, I had been building my new-lifestyle muscles. I was getting stronger. So it was time to test:

How can I stick to my protocols while staying in a hotel? That way I can hang out with people longer and later, without feeling like I have to leave the party early.

So that was the next step. Proving to myself that I can travel and stick to the protocols in an easier way.

And I did it. Instead of driving, I flew.

I went with the Prolon five-day fast mimicking diet, and brought a small cooktop in my hotel room. I figured out how to carry alllll this stuff with me.

Because here’s the thing:

I can do hard things, and then I can figure out a way to make them easier.

Every single thing is a baby step. Could I have gotten there directly? Nope.

I needed to climb another rung on the ladder first.

In fact, the first time I drove to Phoenix the car was SO full that after I got to Arizona I started thinking:

“Wait a minute – Mark is flying here to drive me home. Where am I going to sit?? Am I going to be strapped onto the roof of this car??”

Driving is what I knew. And so that’s what I started with.

And what's interesting is now in November I'm actually going to be in Phoenix and Sedona for twelve days, and I'm choosing to drive instead of fly because I want my stuff and my car for this fun adventure.

After considering all the factors this is what I want to do.

So now it's not a question of this is the only way I can go.

It's the freedom to look at each individual situation and do what I need to do.

Same goes for you.

If you feel like you’re fumbling through your own kind of new – congrats! Learning curves are normal.

You're gonna figure it out as you go. Next steps will become more clear as you take some.

You do not start at version 3.0.

Period. End of story!

And I’ve stuck to it for an entire year, including 3 international trips!

Old Christie - Christie version 1.0 - wouldn't make it more than 3 hours without fried foods, alcohol, or sugar on vacation.

I’m talking:

Mimosas with chicken fried waffles and dessert on the side, thank you very much!

And NOW – I’ve stuck to my commitments even after my passport has been stamped 3 times for full, one-week trips!

Heck, my coffee enema kit has more stamps in its passport and it’s been in more hotels than most people in a lifetime.

And I'm just so freakin’ proud.

But wanna know what I’m NOT happy about?

$134,626.23 out of pocket. That’s the total of our medical bills.

Wanna take a crack at how much the insurance company has reimbursed us for all this?

$97.

Yep. You read that right.

We have paid out $134,626.23 and have only received $97 back (which was an overpayment by the insurance company for an oncology doctor I fired.)

That's criminal.

I will be receiving a big a$$ 5-figure check from the IRS because of our medical bills, which just puts our insurance company to shame.

We’re getting more support from the freakin’ IRS than our own insurance company!

And yes, I'm filing a claim with the Department of Insurance (Blue Shield of California’s boss) but according to the games they play, the chance of winning is slim and none.

It's ridiculous that they put you through that pain on top of your illness.

I mean, the only times I’ve gotten mad is at the insurance company.

I'm not mad that I got cancer. I'm just pissed off that the insurance company won’t pay for it.

And even then I don't feel sorry for myself. Even that brings up gratitude of “Thank God we had the funds to invest in my health!”

Did we want to take it out of our nest egg? No, but that's actually what it’s there for. Our rainy day fund.

Well – it’s raining!

And there's no Blue Shield for it.

I just needed to acknowledge it and get it out. So I did.

And I wanna pause and make sure you know about that because I’ve heard from some people close to me that I’ve made this whole thing look easy because I’m like “Let’s GO!”

Which is true. I am like that.

But it’s also true that I embrace a good cry like bring it on.

I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve. And this is not about giving in or giving up.

It's about acknowledging the fact that it's really, really hard sometimes.

Both are true. It’s been a year full of “weeps and wins”!

You ever think about how pearls are formed or why?

You’ve probably heard the most popular myth – that pearls are formed from a single grain of sand – but this isn’t true.

The fascinating reality is, pearls are actually made as a natural defense against an aggressive parasite that bores through the mollusk’s shell and wedges itself deep within the organs and soft tissues.

Many layers of protection - a coating called nacre - are what turns the parasitic organism into a shimmering pearl.

And pearls don’t come from a one-and-done moment.

Their development is internal work (literally inside the dark of the shell). And their growth takes time (6 months - several years, if you’re curious.)

And every single pearl is unique. That’s why pearls are an extremely rare gem. Beautiful, precious, and valuable.

But they wouldn’t exist without something that’s an irritant. Without adversity. Without a parasite.

And a totally wild parallel is… cancer cells act like parasitic organisms in the human body, too.

It’s not a popular belief, but it’s true:

No pain = No pearl.

And over the past year I’ve experienced how cancer kicks off the opportunity to create a life that’s beautiful, precious, rare, valuable… and as one-of-a-kind as you are.

But it doesn’t help to downplay something when it’s hard.

And you and I both know a cancer diagnosis is really hard.

So I want you to hear me loud and clear as I reflect on my journey:

Because even when you “have to”… even then it's a choice.

I could have just rolled over and said “The doctors say I'm going to be dead in a year. I might as well just go eat french fries and have pizza.” But I didn’t.

I chose - and keep on choosing daily - to WIN.

So. You always have a choice in how you respond to your hard things.

And how you choose to respond is the BIG, beginning domino that sets up how everything else is gonna fall down the line.

And I want you to know that YES, you can do hard things because if you had told me a year ago that I was going to become a raw vegan 95% of the time, I would’ve asked you what you were smoking.

In the beginning it was hard. There was so much change. So many new habits to form.

But then, one day, you find it's not hard because you know your why.

So get super clear about your why, and then find your people to support you.

Because seriously? I couldn't have done it without your help, either.

Here’s the thing:

But you know what I'm really grateful for?

This has given me the opportunity to view my mom and our relationship in a totally different light.

Now I am truly feeling and embodying that she did the best she could as a mom with the tools she had.

And really just being so incredibly proud of the determination that she showed in the belief that she could beat cancer. (She didn't beat it, and she went a completely different route with chemo and radiation and all that, but it was her mindset that I’m so grateful for: the belief that I can.)

And I remember her doctors told her that she wouldn't see another Christmas.

She was diagnosed in June of 1989 and died in May of ‘91. So they told her she had less than six months but she made it almost 2 years.

I’m grateful she was teaching me this lesson:

The doctors don't know sh*t. They don't know when they’re gonna die… how are you gonna predict when I'm gonna die?

They can’t.

And by the way, I'm Christie F*n Miller.